Parenting tips from dyspraxic adults

Can we change the future?

[low pitch] da da dun da-dunga-da-dun, da-da da dun da-dunga-da-dun; [high pitch] booooooo-weeeeee! booooo-weeeee...

That was, of course, the unmistakable opening bars of the Doctor Who theme tune. While many were debating the implications of a female Doctor (answer: the bit you find unbelievable about someone travelling through time in a police phone box is that she’s a woman?) the dyspraxia community was understandably excited about her sidekick, Ryan. 

Ryan - dyspraxic time-travelling companion from Doctor Who, played by Tosin Cole ... not really that much to do with this blog! Perhaps I'm reading too much into it, but I really like the fact he's only using his fork in this photo - I hope that's deliberate attention to detail.

Yes! What a start to Dyspraxia Awareness Week.

I will shamelessly do anything to link this blog to popular culture, so I’m going to do some time travelling and try to improve The Boy’s future. A while back, some wonderful adults with dyspraxia responded to my request to share what their parents did well and what they wish they’d done more of during their childhood and youth. Some were public in their response, others sent private messages. I’ll keep all anonymous but I’m incredibly grateful to them.

Here are my parenting tips based on what they told me ... in no particular order:

Encourage independence as much as possible 

Allow the child to find their own way of doing the things that they find difficult and only intervene when they’re overwhelmed. Gradually, relinquish more control to them and don’t rush them. 

Fight their corner

Whether it’s school, CAMHS, whoever, get them all the support you can whilst not contravening the independence rule. 

Encourage what they’re good at...

If they show a natural flair for something and / or really enjoy it, find ways to get them to pursue it. A subject enjoyed at school could become a career, for example. Create the environment in which they can thrive. 

...but don’t force things on them

Ok, here I think some perspective is needed. Yes, don’t force (eg) football or skipping or A-level maths, but do ensure they remain active (swimming and Junior Park Run for The Boy) and do aim for at least decent numeracy. As adults they’d be far more annoyed with us if they were physically unfit or diddled out of money. 

Treat them the same as siblings 

This is a tough one for balance. The joy of teaching my 4yo to ride a bike was tempered by his 7yo big brother still with stabilisers (thank you, Ryan, for your getbackupability). The impact on both parties needs to be catered for. But the dyspraxic child shouldn’t be excluded. 

Be prepared on the mental health front

Judging by what people told me and the Dyspraxia Foundation’s survey results this week, bouts of mental health difficulties - especially anxiety - border on the inevitable. Here I have some work to do. It’s easy to say “do all you can to prevent” and “provide them with the resilience for when” and “early intervention” and “watch for the signs”, but what does that mean in practice? Perhaps some research and a future blog. 

Be open...

Don’t try to hide what they struggle with or get them to ignore their condition. But equally, don’t let them become ruled by their condition. This might sound like a paradox but their identity is theirs; dyspraxia is just part of it. It’s not the other way around. 

As parents we’ll never get it completely right, but hopefully we can get it less wrong and provide our children with their best future possible. 

This is just a summary of people’s sometimes extensive responses. I owe an enormous debt of gratitude to my future-travelling companions. I hope the fact that they’ve helped so much provides some recompense for their candour. 

Let’s play out with the theme tune:

[low pitch] da da dun da-dunga-da-dun, da-da da dun da-dunga-da-dun; [high pitch] booooooo-weeeeee! Booooo-weeneee...